Rebecca’s Blog

Her eyes were gray and distant as she stared blankly at the television. The light from the screen illuminated her face and highlighted and hollowed each wrinkle, making them look haggard and spider-like. In an instant she was old and weathered. The murmur of the voices from the television speakers was drowned by the deafening silence that pervaded the room. She wanted to tell me something, but I feigned interest in the commercials dancing upon the screen. She turned her head to face me and her listless gaze met mine. Her eyes were glossy and haunted, the outer rims tinted crimson. It scared me. There was no sparkle, no life; only the hollow stare I now beheld. Despite the warmth of the blazing fire, a wave of icy terror coursed its way up my spine, along my arms; it wrapped itself around and around, suffocating me. It was a sensation I was unfamiliar with; one that came from deep within my being. And in that moment I knew, and one vile word came to mind: cancer. I had known of the possibility for quite sometime, but it never really sunk in. I was in denial that anything awful could happen to somebody I loved, but reality has its way of slapping you in the face. Before that evening I had never experienced the terrible dread of inevitable death. I can describe to neither you nor any living creature the amount and depth of sheer anguish that consumed me. Cancer, such an evil word, was the enemy. But I knew cancer was not a truly malevolent being, and thus I had no target at which I could aim the eruption of emotion that was occurring inside of me. I wanted to scream, but I sat there, slowly sinking into myself, not believing the dreadful words escaping her lips.